The beauty in breaking down

We all know and are almost constantly reminded of how mixed up life is. There is sunshine and rain, black and white and all the colors in between. As bewitching and scary that is, it is what life is, isn't it? With a rollercoaster of feelings and experiences also arrives a phase where everything feels like it's the end, that is probably isn't going to get worse than this, that rock bottom is here. The days, months, weeks, where all you want to do is cuddle up in your bed with a tub of ice cream, bottle of melancholy, plates of feelings and just, be. Either you cry your eyes out while your pillow holds your face, or you stare at a wall and feel your heart shatter in a million pieces, or you keep working and doing other tasks hoping that this will pass. 

And it does, eventually, slowly, the feeling passes, the moment passes, the people? them too. But see, the beauty here is, in order for these feelings and moments to pass, you have to feel it first. Suppressing such feelings will only do you worse. As difficult or exhausting it sounds, all of us are supposed to have a system of letting our feelings out. You feel something, you express it. Sounds simple and honestly, it is. We have let ourselves think that expressing exposes us; makes us look weak, but with hand on my head and a pinch in my throat, that is all a lie. A plain, cold, stupid, lie. Expressing, letting your feelings out, crying, laughing, breaking, screaming, they are not signs of weakness, they're signs of vulnerability, courage and that is strong. It takes will and energy and fear to put yourself in a position of vulnerability, even if it means there is a chance you might get hurt. 

The thing is, feelings are a bit complicated, aren't they? We sometimes end up liking someone we shouldn't, hating someone for no reason, or maybe based on one experience and loving someone even if they are wrong for us in every context possible. If we could control how we feel, life would've been just so much easier, smooth and most of all, with less complications. It's honestly very difficult to identify what we feel and the reason behind it, to justify our feelings when there is no justification for it. We feel what we feel and there is no shame in owning it. Having a breakdown, like I mentioned before, is NOT a sing of weakness. You're not weak. You're human. And that's okay.