He'll be my favorite heartbreak

Recently, I went back. Well, not physically, that would've been cool. No, I went back in the matters of the heart. See, there is someone I completely fell in love with. As time passed by, my love for him only grew stronger. I waited a long time for him. He's- He's perfect. Some months ago, I stopped waiting for him and decided to move on. I told him about this and he, in his kind, understanding manner, told me I did not even have to justify it, ever. He understood. So, I tried to move on, downloaded bumble matched with someone really nice who lived near and let it be casual. 

For a few months, I really did think I moved on. I thought I cared deeply for him and I was day by day, moving on. Until one night it all hit me like a lightning, that all I did was suppress all of it and they're all now up and in my heart again. I mean, how do you deal with something like that? I could feel my heart breaking and all this hurt, out of nowhere. I could feel pain and hurt and tears dropped from my eyes and would not stop at all. It hurt. All of it hurt. It was nobody's fault that we couldn't be together, doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt, correct? I loved him so much. I loved him with everything I had and it didn't go away. 

Since then, all I feel is...this. All of this. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to move on? I know I will, I know that eventually, one day, it won't hurt as much anymore. But until then? Feel everything until then, that's the answer, isn't it? How do you move on from someone you thought was 'it?' For the longest time, every gut feeling I had, every instinct, every vein, every muscle told me he was it. He's the one. He's my forever. I held on to the feeling. I held on to the moments where he made me laugh and he made me smile. To the moments he told me he'll fight for me, to the moments where I knew I was falling in love with him and didn't stop myself. I held on to the hope of being with him, of treating him right and being treated right. 

It probably sounds a lot, maybe unbelievable or a lie but it's not. He's not mine now, feels like he never was. Maybe I was more his and than he was mine. Either way, my heart feels broken. I have all this love for him which I now have to let go of, even now my heart says he's the one. Through it all, that feeling never shook. It's still there.  He means so much to me and for as long as I'd be able to remember, he'll be my favorite heartbreak. He's always going to have a big peace of my heart. 

God, I hope our paths cross again and this time, I wouldn't have to let go of him.