Just a rant.

It has been a while since I have written anything. Every time I type words that from sentences and sentences that form paragraphs, I erase it all. It all feels wrong, incorrect. Anyway, this is the first time in my almost twenty one years of existence that I moved away from home and got a job. My first job. Somehow, I still have trouble processing it. All of this. Moving away, living far, living in a less than average accommodation. It's all a little fuzzy to me.

All my life, I haven't been someone who can approach someone first, make conversation and maintain it. I am not the best at it and I don't know how to get better. Frankly, I never found the need to. I was always happy with the friends I have got and the people I managed to talk to. I have only been able to connect with a very few people instantly. That has been nice, but how do I make conversation with people who are so drastically different than I am? How do people even do this? It has been about 3 days since I started my job and I have been only been able to talk to one person properly. 

To spend a year in a place like this seems like a long shot, but people here are nice. They're not bad, it doesn't look like it as of now. I'm also away from home, I miss it. The area, the grocery shops and the food joints, my friends and my house, my parents and their hugs. I am sure this job will do me a lot good and I will grow tremendously here, but I can't live so away like this. I want to be able go out on my days off and meet my friends and go for dinners and celebrate my birthday with my friends, visit different cafés and restaurants once in a while. Not roam the campus on my days off and leave it once a month? That is not what I want, never what I wanted. 10 months or one year is all I can give this job. This is not what I have intended for my life and my career and I am not going to settle for this, no matter what.